Turn On The Gas And Blow Off Your Ass

Given that the rest of the world gets its idea of America from TV and movies, including (mostly?) cartoons, is it at all possible that this...

One person died and dozens of others were sickened in the 10-state outbreak, linked by Food and Drug Administration officials to bagged spinach.

...is some sort of warped terrorist plot to pre-emptively disable the U.S. Navy?

And, hey! How come this...

"My job and the job of the people here in Washington, D.C., is to protect this country," Bush said.

...only seems to apply to shadowy, suspect "one percent" terrorist plots to nuclearize us all, and not, say, garden-variety (ha!) threats like grocery store vegetables, anthrax and hurricanes, that sometimes actually materialize and, you know, hurt people?