My name is Barrister Christ Amanze
I am personal attorney to late Mr. Andrew Plank
who worked with Dynasty Oil and Gas Corporation (D.O.G.C)
before his demise. On the 21st of April 2003
my client (Mr. Andrew)
his wife (Sarah) and
their three children
were involved in a fatal car accident
along Lagos/Abeokuta Express Road
unfortunately they all lost their lives
including their driver Mr. Timibri Olorugun.
Since then I have made several attempt to locate any of my
client's known relatives or even extended relatives
this has proved abortive.
After these unsuccessful attempts that have lasted for years
and by virtue of you having the same last name
I decided to contact you.
I am contacting you in good faith
so that you will cooperate with me
in claiming the money left behind by my late client
because the account is about to be frozen by the bank.
It is painful to note that the amount
in that account
and it has remained dormant for 3 years.
This is actually the banking regulations
and policies in this part of the globe.
More worrisome is the fact that the bank
has issued a notice asking me to present
the Next Of Kin
to my late client
within the next ten working days
or risk the confiscation of the fund.
Since I have not been successful
in locating the relatives these past years
I am seeking your consent
you as the next of kin to my late client
so that the
will be paid to you. As soon as the fund is confirmed
in your account
I will fly to meet with you for disbursement of the fund.
And to ensure equity and fairness
I have considered that 40% of the total fund will go to you
for your assistance in making this claim successful
50% for me
while 10% will be used to defray all expenses
incurred in the course of this transaction.
Be rest assured that all necessary legal documents
that will be used to back up this claim is intact
and note that this is
not for jokes please.
All I sincerely require is your consent
you to the Bank as the Next of Kin
to my client, thereby asking for your honest co-operation
to enable us see this deal through.
I guaranteed that this will be executed
under a legitimate arrangement
that will protect us from any breach of the law.
Please get in touch with me for us
to facilitate the claim of this fund.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: Remember
to include your telephone and fax numbers when
responding for me to call you for details
in order to make this transaction a hitch-free.
I want you to contact me on my private email address of
firstname.lastname@example.org so that I will inform you
of how we can get this done. I wait
for your reply as soon as you read this mail.
Barrister Christ Amanze (SAN).
Monday, March 13, 2006
We Are Duchampians
I was reading a book about Dali and another about the influence of Dada and similar nonsensical/surreal art movements on rock music (don't ask), when I received, for 135th time, a version of a notorious e-mail. It occurred to me that it could easily serve as found poetry for the 21st century: